


Two Bitches and some mayo

by premoscreamo



Category: Cardi b - Fandom
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), RIP, my girl cardi finna get some punani tonight, slowly drinks mayoniese and chokes on it, very sexy, yes mamas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/premoscreamo/pseuds/premoscreamo
Summary: It's just to bitches and some mayo, move on. Don't say two girls one cup jokes, i will water board you with mayo, don't test me.
Relationships: Cardi B/Barbra
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Two Bitches and some mayo

It was a warm, bright, and sunny summer day. There were two opposing forces on the sand at this moment. One was Cardi B, famous WAP singer and WAP haver. The other was Barbra, recovering from a divorce from a 10-year marriage. The sexual tention between these two women was taking over the “good vibes” that white teens claim that it has. The smell of angry has filled the air, no one knows what’ll happen next. 

“Cardi!”, Barbra yelled “How DARE you even insinuate that I would even consider the thought of putting mayonnaise on my godforsaken sandwich!” 

Cardi B was taken aback, as president of the mayonnaise fan club, she was not used to this type of opposing ideology. 

“GIRL, I know you didn’t just come for my mayonnaise,” Cardi Retorted “Mayonnaise was invented in 1756 by the French chef of the Duc de Richelieu. After the Duc beat the British at Port Mahon, his chef created a victory feast that was to include a sauce made of cream and eggs and it is THE BEST thing to ever happen in this god for nothing country!” 

Barbra smirked as she took a sip of her fourth bottle of wine today (she’s a raging alcoholic but we don’t get to talk about that) “You beautiful fool,” she said condescendingly, “I DON’T BELIEVE IN HISTORY,”. 

Mrs. Wap gasped, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, not Barbra apparently not believing on history being a thing, but for the fact she called her beautiful. “Wait I’m auguring right now, dangit get your head back in the game Car Car” Cardi thought to herself and began to pay back attention to the pure anger Barbra was emitting 

“ IT’S ALL LIE’S MADE UP BY THE MEDIA TO CONVINCE YOU THAT MAYONIESE IS EVEN REMOTLY EDIBLE AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT” Barbra was preaching her beliefs to practically the entire beach at this point, and cardi knew what she had to do to end this. 

She walked slowly up to Barbra, arms open with a giant smile on her face, she knew it had to be done. Cardi gone to Barbra and started to commence a Shoosh pap (A comforting and soothing pat used to calm someone down.) And suddenly Barbra had calm down. 

The Shoosh pap had overwhelmed Barbra and she had forgotten about mayo and had only one thing on her mind. 

“Cardi,” she asked willfully “Would be you be wife and future divorced partner?”


End file.
